Excuse: I’m not in good enough shape to do _____.
Reality: Well, OK, I am not in good enough shape for a lot of things. Getting more to the heart of the matter, though, is that I am terrified of injuring myself (or pushing myself so hard that I am too sore for following work-outs). I am so afraid of halting the process that I am going to a bit of an extreme the other way and not pushing myself. An example is the 20 minute run on Sunday – the 20 minutes itself was a push, but I could have pushed myself to run it a 4.5mph pace rather than 4.2mph. And if I am truly honest with myself, I probably wouldn’t have been any more sore than I ended up being these past two days after running it at the 4.2mph speed. This also holds true with my mind-set around supplemental work-outs on my non-running days. “What if I do too much and can’t run tomorrow?” Oy. One would think that the impatient, I-want-it-now part of me would be all over doing more, going farther, pushing on…it is like a tug-of-war happening non-stop in my head.
Excuse: Neil is here and since I don’t get to see him as often as I’d like I should spend time with him rather than run/walk/go do what needs doing.
Reality: Neil is a wonderful man whom I don’t get to see as often as I’d like. However, he is also self-sufficient and I am sure we would both survive for another 30-45 minutes without the other (the man loves to read…I am sure there are many a book that could fill his time). Heck, I use this excuse with housework that needs doing when he is here, what made me think I wouldn’t do the same with the exercising? I bet he’d even go for a walk with the dogs with me if I asked him…I just need to ask.
Excuse: Just one more bowl/helping/handful/serving of _____ won’t hurt.
Reality: I have no self-control with food. If it is in front of me, I will eat it. Especially if it is salty – chips, crackers, dill pickles, dark chocolate with sea-salt… I need to get better about portioning my food. Even if it is good/healthy food, too much is too much. And then there are the days when I eat next to nothing (which is still a problem for me, particularly when I travel). My poor metabolism doesn’t know what to do with itself. And I’ve no idea why lately vegetables don’t even cross my mind. I love veggies! I need to make more of an effort to include them in my meal planning.
All of this stuff rolls around my head every day. I haven’t even looked to see what 5k/short runs are taking place around the holidays. I am worried that I won’t be able to run that far by then. I don’t know why I think I need to run the whole thing. I am afraid of being secretly laughed at. I don’t want to be the last person to finish (though someone is always last). I don’t want to be the fat girl everyone looks at and wonders why she’s there at all. I am also not sleeping well. Anxiety. It happens. You’d think with my logical tendencies that it wouldn’t be such a problem, but I’ve never figured out how to get my worries and my logic to work together. It is the ‘what-ifs’ that are killing me. What if I can’t run a 5k? What if I can’t finish the 1/2 in March? What if I let my friends (and myself) down?
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With all of that off my chest – I finished week six, day one today. Five-minute warm-up, five-minute jog, two-minute walk, eight-minute jog, two-minute walk, five-minute jog, three-minute cool-down (only three minutes of cool-down time included on the ‘mill – I continued walking and moving around the house for a good five to ten minutes beyond that). I still have to keep my walks at around 3mph on the treadmill due to the sheer agony walking on the ‘mill causes my shins. It is the only time they hurt now. As I stated above, I need to push myself a little harder on the runs. We’ll see how the 25 minute run goes on Sunday. If it is a real struggle I may repeat this week and not week seven. I don’t know why I thought I would need to repeat week seven, anyway. I don’t see the need, so I am no longer planning on it.